


Friends

by avio



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alpha Timeline, Altered Mental States, F/F, F/M, Friendship, M/M, because apparently i only ever write crazy babies oops, crazy!Jane, hoo hoo hoo, this is not going to end well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-02-21
Updated: 2012-03-27
Packaged: 2017-10-31 13:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avio/pseuds/avio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Jane Crocker and you are an idiot.</p><p>But that's okay. It's totally okay. Definitely.</p><p>Except you're lying to yourself and things are only going to get more painful from here on in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ugly

Friends

Your name is JANE CROCKER and you

are

a

COMPLETE IDIOT.

You’re staring at the words on the screen and it’s like you’re not even aware of typing anything; you’re too dumbfounded by your own idiocy to really comprehend it. Not only did you just tell Jake English that you had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever (even though you really, really do.), you’re even encouraging him into the arms of Dirk Strider, your apparent rival.

That isn’t to say you don’t care for dear Dirk. He’s your friend, too, after all. Yes, you definitely care for him. And, certainly, you don’t hate him at all or anything silly like that. How can you? That’d be ridiculous.

Almost as ridiculous as hating being ‘just friends’ with Jake English.

Haha, as if that were possible! You are so totally cool with this change of events! Definitely! 

What pain? There isn’t any! Because at least you’re _friends_ , right? The friendliest of friends, there are no pair of friends who are more friendly with each other!

No, who are you kidding? You are an idiot. You are so stupid.

Your name is Jane Crocker and you are currently curled up in your father’s chair, crying at your own stupidity, and responding to Jake with short, one-word answers.

It hurts too much.

But that’s okay. Because you’re _friends_ with him.

Never has such a supposedly-nice word felt so ugly.

Never have _you_ felt so ugly.

So very, very _ugly_.

Your lips curl into a smile, but it’s tight, strained, and maybe just a little bit unnatural.


	2. Sweet Roxy

Your name is JANE CROCKER and you kind of FIND IT A WONDER how rather EFFECTIVE your trusty SPOONKIND is.

These imps are falling like flies and you are up to your head in grist. It’s almost like you have something powering you, something making you fight wildly and effectively. It’s a nice feeling, a _very_ nice feeling, to feel this kind of _power_. 

It’s amazing how much damage a spoon can make. You relish the feeling. You’re pretty sure you quite like it. A lot.

So you keep strifing, imps giving way to your trusty spoon, and you have a quick, very quick, hardly even noticeable--

_\--I wonder what it would look like covered in red--_

\--thought that you’ve already forgotten ( _except not really_ ) and isn’t that rather queer!

You get pestered by your best friend, which you honestly kind of feel like is the last thing you need right now, but you figure you’ll put up with the crazy drunk for now.

She ever-so-kindly informs you of what you already know, calling you a stupid tight-ass in a flurry of drunken typos, tells you how she set it up _perfectly_ for you, how she _gaev you a godnad (lol gods nads)*dodanmd *goddamned opoortuntitty *is correcpt_ , how you fucked it up.

She then asks you if you’re okay.

Sweet Roxy. Dear, sweet, meddling Roxy.

You tell her you’re absolutely peachy. There’s really nothing to worry about. You get to be friends with him, after all. Which would have been the outcome, anyways, right?

She doesn’t seem convinced (you can’t blame her; you really aren’t all that convinced yourself) and offers to comfort you in _aanaanny way ouy want janey_ , and as vulgar as the implications are, you are thankful that she is trying to cheer you up. You are almost tempted to tell her how nice it is, this _feeling_  you have fighting these imps. In fact, you do. She laughs and says that _thats teh way to do it jeany! some stress reelif!_

__Yes, you are grateful for Roxy. You care for her as well. She is, after all, a good friend of yours.

Not as good, of course, as you and Jake.

That would just be gosh darned _silly_.


	3. stress reelif

Your name is JANE CROCKER and you think you may very possibly be having FAR TOO MUCH FUN WITH THIS.

This being the game.

You get to extract quite a bit of _stress reelif_ , much to your delight (and the worry of your friends, but you’re pretending not to notice.)

You’ve lost track of time, not sure how long you’ve been in this game.

Your DAD is dead.

This dark, cold feeling inside is getting darker and colder and there is this weird _pain_ deep in your chest, but you’re

having

_fun_.

Jake bothers you.

He asks how you’re doing, how you’re holding up. 

You assure him you’re doing absolutely marvelously. These stupid imps can’t handle your prankster’s gambit.

He laughs and agrees, saying nobody could outprank or outwit his friend Janey.

Friend.

You feel ugly again. Uglier than you did before, and that pain and that dark, cold feeling are getting worse.

You suddenly are overcome with the need to go strifing again.

Instead, you agree. Of course not. Nobody can out-prank you. You are the pranking master. It’s you. You even kind of pranked yourself, telling Jake to go ahead with Dirk, pushing who you had been certain was the love of your life into the arms of Dirk motherfucking Strider.

How silly you had been! He’s not the love of your life, he’s only your friend.

{Hideous!}

And you are his and that’s _totally_ okay, _completely_ keen as cake, _absolutely_ darling.

You cease bothering him. You need some more of that _stress reelif_.

You also kind of want to talk to Jake for some reason. Not bothering, but actually talking to. Face to face. How queer! But then, isn’t it normal for friends to talk to friends? Yes, of course; you would converse with Dirk and Roxy as well. Totally normal.

You bring your spoon down onto another imp’s head, and they explode into grist, and you are smiling that weird, twisted smile again.

You should go find Jake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh this is weirdly hard to write? though i kind of wanna wait and see if DirkJake actually become a thing or not idk i kind of want a little bit more canon in this. oops. though i am totally aware i can do what i want. WELP.
> 
> also for the record i actually. love DirkJake and JaneRoxy. a lot. but i like JaneJake as well. just not as much.
> 
> idk some random info just for you!


	4. Be still, my beating heart!

Your name is JANE CROCKER and YOU THINK YOUR HEART is going to just JUMP OUT OF YOUR CHEST.

Jake looks absolutely dashing, as always, even in those silly shorts. The way he yields his guns make him look brave, like a hero in one of those movies he likes so much.

His face lights up when he sees you, and oh, god, your heart is going insane.

You want to tell him the truth. Instead you ask him how his thing with Dirk is going. Only a good friend like you would be so thoughtful as to ask!

Are you stupid? (We’ve already come to that conclusion, though. The answer is yes, yes you are.)

He’s laughing, clapping your back in a friendly manner.

Your heart hurts.

He mentions something about Dirk. He can’t wait until they can all meet each other, face to face, and there’s a blush on his cheeks when mentioning Dirk.

Your heart _hurts_.

You thought he was merely open to the idea.

Of course he would have been harbouring feelings for your friend.

It’s not fair.

Oh, did you say that out loud? The look he’s giving you is quizzical. “Whatever are you talking about, old girl?”

“Nothing at all! Everything’s just fine, dear _friend_.” 

You laugh, and ohgod, it sounds so unnatural, and now he looks uneasy, but he smiles regardless, nervousness behind it.

“If you insist, Jane. You know, you’ve mentioned our solid friendship so many times in just the past few minutes, I’m starting to think it was poppycock that I ever thought otherwise!”

You wonder if it’s possible to be blinded by emotional pain because ouch, you can’t seem to see anything right now because it just h _urts_ , it hurts so bad, and he doesn’t even fucking _know_ , doesn’t fucking _realize_ \--

You’re laughing again, and you are acutely aware of how harsh and false and _wrong_ it sounds. “Yes, Jake! Absolute _poppycock_! What on Earth were you thinking? That I could possibly...?” You can’t finish it, it’s too close to a confession that it’s far too late for.

He looks rather worried now, but you don’t care.

“We should continue, dear _friend_ , or we wont get to meet up with the others!”

{ouchouchouchouchouchouchouch}

That weird pain in your chest is feeling darker and deeper.


	5. Jake ==> Worry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh gosh i apologize for any Jake-character-mauling i did dksfla

Your name is Jake English and despite this silly (terrifying) game, you are actually in a bit of a chipper mood.

You have ‘made it official,’ as the kids say these days, with one Dirk Strider, and you couldn’t be more pleased with it. It occurred to you what that (to put it somewhat girlishly) fluttery feeling you seemed to have whenever you spoke to him has been all these years, and you wouldn’t have even realized it if it weren’t for the help of your absolutely smashing friend, Jane Crocker.

Ah, yes. Jane.

It’s really strange, to be honest. You’d thought she’d been harboring such feelings for you, but she informed you that you were very wrong indeed, and you felt absolutely ridiculous after words. My, how narcissistic of you!

However, she reassured you that she was still your friend, and what a wonderful friend she has been, indeed! She even encouraged this relationship with Dirk, and has been very lovely about the entire thing. You honestly couldn’t be luckier to have such a magnificent friend! She has even reiterated the fact many times, and you feel so pleased with the entire situation.

Except... for one thing.

She’s been acting rather... _strangely_ since the game started, and quite honestly, you’re just a little bit worried about her.

She’s become sort of curt with everyone, and she’s been spending a lot of time strifing. Not that all of the grist she’s getting isn’t helpful; she’s gotten a _lot_ and hasn’t been all that stingy with it, really. However, she’s been really... well, you suppose _enthusiastic_ is a good way of putting it.

There’s also that constant reassurance that she is your friendliest of friends. Not that you don’t enjoy having that wonderful friendship, not at all! It just seems a little... _off_ , really. She’s also acquired a rather, er,  _unique_ laugh, and it makes you feel uneasy. It sounds so unnatural, and she’s been using it a lot. 

As much as you really hate to admit it, she’s kind of scaring you. More than anything, though, you are really, really worried.

So you try to loosen things up. Being the sporting young man that you are, you of course try to ease the sour mood she seems to be in. You are at your peak, giving the most dashing lines you can come up with and making your poses all the more action-y.

She does seem to enjoy it, but there’s still something off. You really wish you can understand. You want to ask her about it, but every time you try to, she gives that eerie laugh and assures you that she is just peachy. It does nothing to ease your worry.

The others are worried, as well.

There’s not much you can do, though. Not really. She absolutely refuses to talk to you about whatever it is, and you never realized how stubborn she can really be.

You hope whatever it is gets resolved soon enough; you rather miss the old, cheerful Janey.


	6. Jake needs to stop being Jake.

Your name is Jane Crocker and Jake English has no fucking clue what he’s doing to you.

It’s like he is at the prime of his _Jake-ness_. His silly lines are unending, he keeps narrating his actions with that stupidly adorable grin, he keeps talking animatedly to you about _everything_ , and it’s

driving

you

abso-fucking-lutely

_insane._

You want him to stop you want him to stop you want him to stop  you want him to 

“Stop!” Oh. Shit. You said that out loud.

He’s looking at you funny, gun in hand and pointing at a stray imp. “Jane?”

“Er,” you feel really stupid now (more so than you already did). “I was simply talking to the imp!” Except you don’t really talk to them, you merely bash them on the head with your spoon.

The imp runs forward and he shoots him quickly, giving a hearty laugh. “Golly, Jane, that’s rather silly of you! Luckily I thought nice and fast, right? Haha, even distracted, that imp bloke was no match!”

Oh. Oh, fuck, he’s doing it again. “Whatever,” you respond, continuing your walk. “Let’s just finish this confounding puzzle and get it over with.”

And it keeps happening, he keeps pressing onward with all of his sweetness, all of his stupid, cute, _Jake_ \--

You’re going nuts, you’re losing it, _he doesn’t realize what he’s doing to you and it hurts it hurts it **hurts**_  and why did you come see him in the first place?

You can’t take it anymore, you really can’t, he’s being too _Jake_ , too amazing, and it’s making everything hurt _hurt_ _**hurt**_ so much and you are so close you are going to

lose

it

and it hurts, it really hurts, and you’re so fucking stupid he could have been _yours_ and yet you pushed him away

{ **WHY DID YOU DO THAT?** }

and you’re seriously ready to fucking

well

you’re ready

to

**_snap._ **


	7. dfjsklafdsa

Your name is Jane Crocker, and your spoon is in your hand and--

Oh, my god.

_Oh my_ _god._

_What._

_Are._

_You._

_**Doing??** _


	8. Worried

Your name is Roxy Lalonde and you’re kind of a lot of worried about your bffsie, Jane.

You know she can’t be okay. She absolutely can’t be. She told you she was fine, but you knew she was lying. You _know_ her. She doesn’t realize _how_ well you know her, but you do. You’ve spent a lot of your time  paying attention to her. You _know_.

You know how much she has fucked herself over, and you want so badly to make it better. You really do. You... well, you're in lesbians with her. Quite literally.

She wouldn’t believe you if you told her, though, so you don’t.  Every time you’ve given her a hint of a confession, she’s laughed it off as you being you. Silly, drunk, and rambling Roxy who doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about.

...She hasn’t answered you in a while. You’re more worried than you were before. Jake hasn’t said anything either. You know they must be together. You know how it must be tearing her apart. 

You wonder if you should talk to Dirk about this. He’s right over there, conversing with cohorts while you get a good swig of your flask.

 He is pretty much the one you run to about everything. He always picks you up when you’re drowning in your own glass of feelings. He was kind of awesome in that respect, putting up with your bullshit in ways the others didn't.

“He-ey, Dirksie,” you call, stumbling over to drape an arm over his shoulders, leaning in on him while on your tip-toes, “ya hear from your lover boy recently?”

“No. Probably busy. I know he and Jane are tryin’ to get to that denizen of his, or some shit like that,” he responded, his drawl subtle and a little relaxing. Familiar. You liked it. “’Snot like we get to talk to ‘em all that often, anyways, Rox.” Of course he knows you’re worried. Shit. “’Sides, we all got stuff we gotta do; gotta make way for _them_.”

Oh, yes. _Them_. You were... you were really _excited_ , to be honest, though you’d forgotten it momentarily. _You were going to meet her._  You'd forgotten because... well. Jane is worrying you.

“Yeah... I’ll just... I’ll try one more time, ‘kay?”

He nods in agreement, ruffling your hair before pulling away. "Go 'head, princess."

You pester her once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i mention DirkRoxy is like one of my ultimate diehard fucking OTPs.

**Author's Note:**

> you know of all the plots i've had in mind for Homestuck, i'm slightly surprised that this is the fic to break my Homestuck-writing cherry. welp. also first time writing Jane there is just a first for everything isn't there!!!!! i hope you guys enjoy this though.
> 
> p.s. i am pretty much incapable of writing happy so that's a warning to you right there. yup.


End file.
